August, 1999
It seems that the entire nation was extremely worried about
the "New Millenium." If I had only known, I could've
prepared a little! After just getting a wonderful Administrative
job for a local Community Organization. I was struggling severely
just to type a document. I have 2 small children, Kelsey was
3 at the time and Buster was only 8months old. I was also
in a failing marriage. I had started packing our things to
move out, when I started having severe migraine headaches.
Usually, the headaches were only after sunset. After everyone
else had baths, supper, clothes laid out for the next day,
the headache would hit me suddenly. So severe, that I couldn't
even stand a whisper, light, or anything. I would always end
up throwing up, and couldn't sleep at all. I decided it must
be the stress of daily life, new job, kids, and separation.
Also, I had an appt. with my Neurologist in December, so if
I'm still having headaches, I'll tell him then.
September, 1999
Headaches continued, much worse it seems. I also started hearing
things. In the car, it sounded like the motor was saying "wawawa,"
I took it to a mechanic, nothing was wrong. While getting
groceries, as I walked down the freezer aisle, "wawa,"
not to mention everything I did at work was wrong! Still continued
w/migraines every night, my sperm donor started yelling at
me, mid-migraine, "what the ***** is wrong with you,
you better pack your **** and get out!" This was a great
form of comfort! It seems I just couldn't do anything right.
December, I'll tell Doc about the headaches.
October, 1999
This is a huge month; Kelsey will already be 4 yrs. Time does
seem to fly. I can make it until December. I have to be there
for Kelsey and Buster, they're the reason I get up each day.
They're the reason I do anything at all, they are my life!
Migraines continue each night. Verbal abuse from their sperm
donor also continued. December, I can make it.
November, 1999
What could be wrong with me? I'm having constant migraines,
dropping everything I touch, still hearing things, migraines
at work, migraines all the time. Can't eat or sleep. One more
month!
December, 1999
What a great month this is, Buster turns 1 yr, celebrate the
birth of Jesus, and will be seeing Dr. Crittenden! Friday,
Dec. 24th, I go for my annual appt. tell about the migraines,
he gives me a sample of a new pill called "ZOMIG,"
take it when you feel a migraine coming on. So, I took it
all weekend and it did nothing to help my headaches! I paged
him on Sunday evening, he told me to have a MRI first thing
Monday AM. The worst migraine yet was Monday. A family member
drove me to the hospital, on the way I even joked with her,"Watch
him tell me I have a brain tumor...
After the MRI, he did tell us those very
same words. It was as big as a large orange in the rt frontal
lobe. Referred to Winston Salem Baptist Hospital, 2wks later.
The new millenium has definitely arrived with a boom! I had
surgery on January 14th, 2000. Dr. Stephen Tatter performed
the operation with great success. Pathology reports x5; finally
got 2 reports to match. It was a Grade III Anaplastic Astrocytoma.
What's that? I was now in the care of the most wonderful Dr.
in the entire world, Dr. Edward Shaw. It seems that God just
works right through him. I had x36 ext beam radiation txs.
The world is a terrible place, while having these txs., I
couldn't help noticing all the small children having to undergo
terrible radiation, surgery, etc
I never questioned God myself, but I did
find myself on my knees asking him to just take me on and
let those innocent children live. I missed my own children
so much, for 6 ½ wks. I was just a weekend Mom. How
awful, Kelsey contracted the chicken pox, couldn't be there
for her. Both Kelsey and Buster spent the majority of the
time with my wonderful step-dad, while my indulgent mother
stayed with me as caregiver in Winston-Salem.
Chemo...only 2 wks left of radiation, I had
no hair, what's hair when you're alive? Anyway, doc's seemed
to think starting Chemo before the radiation ends would boost
the effects of radiation. So, I had 4 chemo's during 2001.
Dr. Glenn Lesser was the Oncologist. Another great doc! However,
I did ask him "How long do I have to live? "Statistically,
2-4y." "Who the ****do you think you are, God?"
I was quite a pushy patient and I wasn't going anywhere! I
have 2 children to raise. Also, I did ask if he knew of anyone
else that had the same type of tumor, and the same txt, that
I could contact. He put me in contact with a wonderful lady,
Brigette Shope, from Asheville, NC. We communicated quite
a bit during the next year.
I heard of this brain tumor support group, "WNC Brain
Tumor Support," in Asheville, and attended my first meeting,
in November, 2002. I had no idea that Brigette was a part
of this group, however she attended the December meeting and
we are great friends! Life is so short!
I am now working again, a single mother,
and couldn't be happier! With Faith in God you can do anything!
It's now been 4 years, "statistically"
I'm not going anywhere! I still go to Winston and have follow-up
MRI every 6mo. Just had a MRI March 8, 2004, Dr. Shaw said,
"Your brain looks great!" One more year and you
will be in "remmission!"
What a wonderful world! The big things no
longer matter. It's the smallest things imaginable, hearing
my children fight is music to my ears, being outdoors admiring
Gods spectacular creations.
Love Life! Let your great passion be for
the simple things! Most of all, Love everyone, and everything,
because none of us know just how long our life will be?
God never gives us anything we can't handle. What great insight
he gave me on life! I came to realize, Kelsey & Buster
aren't my children, they are Gods children. It's not my time
to go yet, but it is time for me to open my eyes.
"Love
the Time, Love Whatever You Can, because Life slips away just
like hourglass sand?" (David M. Bailey, BT Survivor,
Folk Artist)
God Bless
Tamara
Banner Elk, NC
Tammy
welcomes any comments or questions concerning her brain tumors
or treatment. If you do have any questions or comments, send
her an email! |
WNC
BTS Survivor Stories -
